On Being A Parent

On Saturday I visited a good friend of mine. As we talked and she made some coffee I could tell she was a little distracted. She was, she was being a parent. Her boy had gone to stay at a friends house but hadn't popped home to collect some clothes, he had said he would. My friend had spent all night worrying, and by the morning had a million and one dreadful scenarios playing full blast in her head. She was going through the motions of being in the room but she was in fact rehearsing what she needed to do in the event of a disaster. His Dad was dispatched in the end to check and of course all was well.

Last night we got home from work and turned on the news to hear about the terrible earthquake in China. Our eldest is teaching in China and last week left the town he was in to travel around the country, so we actually had no idea where he was. I spent yesterday pretending not to worry, so did his Dad. You pretend that its all OK, saying things to each other like "I am sure if something had happened to him we would have heard" and, very reasonably "well there is nothing we can do right now so lets not worry"...but under this veneer of calm you are a tumultuous, seething pool of molten lava of worry, little bubbles of panic keep rising up and you gulp them down and ...carry on.HBB with the China traveller.

This morning we got an email from him, he is fine, safe and well...and so are we now...until the next time. They are little and tiny for such a brief time, you can hold them, pick them up when they fall and make everything better just by being there. You nurture and grow them and then have to let them go but you are still left with that need to protect and guard and make everything alright. So what to do?
Me with my biker boy.

Learn how to worry inside, learn to hope just like our mothers did!

Me with my Mum

And after all of that feel so sorry for those who are caught up in such tragedy.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Here she is, my new beauty, much jested at by a few people who shall remain nameless...I think she is beautiful. Just look at her, what a kind expression she has. She will be painted as soon as I am in my new house that has a garage where I can doodle on my car all through the night if I wish, she might be a bit of a homage to Edward Gorey( in the doodle department) Here is a picture of my van, this is where I live. It is on its own in the corner of a field and jolly comfortable. I have even worked out a way of having a bath in the tiny shower basin, involves a bit of contortion but once squeezed into the tiny space, with some bubbles and candle light it is quite a relaxing experience! Coco the wonder dog will be coming home when we move into our new house. She has been enjoying a very good standard of living at my Mums home. My Mum is in the Rambling association so Coco is walked a lot, and brushed a lot by my niece, and allowed on the sofa by my Mum and yesterday managed to eat a whole packet of biscuits by herself, (bad girl, I know how that feels! Oh the guilt!!)
And finally...look at this...a couple of miles from where we live, this was on Sunday. How stunning is that! Cornwall, lovely, lovely Cornwall.

Quick Update

Well...life in the caravan will soon be coming to an end... living like a snail, (I take my home with me) will soon be a distant memory....
and I have a new car!!!
None of these pictures are of the actual things in my life, but my new car is a 2CV, pictures soon I promise. I am still blogging from a distance at friends and in bars, which explains my absence from this place...but we have found a house and in about two months time we will be up and running again...I am so excited.

Raining in my heart!

I was sitting in my car, in a place where I could get a good phone signal, waiting to hear about my youngest son. Poor lad got mugged the night before. He was roughed up a bit and had all of his things stolen, passport, mobile, cash cards and ipod. A nasty experience for him. He is fine now, I cursed the people who did it, my lovely boy who works so hard for everything he has and who goes through life with such a generous spirit, I hope it isn’t dented too much.

Field Sketches

This is the life, find a field, any field... settle down and get the tools out of the bag...
grass is a bit wet but what the heck, its spring, what do you expect...
thats the view...
here we go, splash it on...
go over to The Red Shoes to see the finished painting...

Life on Wheels

As promised, here at last are some pictures of the inside of our home for now, the van. It is cosy and warm and I love it. Cleaning is a breeze and everything is to hand...literally!
The bedroom, more bed than room but fantastically comfortable... The sitting room and a plethora of patchwork quilts, they suit a van I think. What I am really fed up with at the moment is our Internet solution, a mobile dongle thing, fine if you are out and about, in a cafe or on the beach but for every day web work its rubbish. I use the Internet a lot, for work and for blogging and right now I feel as if my hands are tied up and my mouth stuffed with cotton wool...horrible. Blogging is a long winded process, I cant go and comment on friends blogs, well I can but I don't because after spending half an hour getting the thing connected I get to the commenting stage and then loose the connection...very frustrating. It makes me realise just how quickly the Internet has become an integral part of my life and I think it is a good thing, it enables all sorts of things and I miss it. I am sure that soon I will have worked out a better system and I will start being able to make my presence felt again, for now, I am reading but remaining a bit quiet!

Stormy Weather

This was Sunday, a mile or so down the lane to the beach, blue sky, sun. This little van sits hidden away just above the sand...the van I am living in is a little bigger than this but this one is so sweet, what a great place for summer nights. Anyway Sunday was just that, Sun day and overnight Monday became Storm day. The caravan rocks and shakes, fences fly about like bits of paper and the cows are looking fed up...we have storms, the electric keeps on going and the TV has lost its sound so I think this evening it must be candles and a good book, almost as romantic as the little red van down the road...tomorrow I will post pictures of my new home.

Coming home.

Finally settled for a while. We escaped from the mould ridden flat, left the noisy dusty streets of Bristol and changed our view, from this…which was fairly impressive but I really couldn’t risk any more mould inhalation, to this…we are living in a caravan (quite a big one) on a farm on the Lizard down in Cornwall. It is clean, dry, cosy, and lovely. I can see the stars at night, hear the birds in the morning and smell good fresh country smells…bliss. So I am settling in and hopefully beginning to paint like I used to. I actually feel as if I have come home, my wings are unfurling and I feel great. It will be a little while until everything is really decided, Bristol or Cornwall but while the fates toy with us this is where we will be hanging out…here is a sketch from lunchtime in the Ferry Boat Inn down on the Helford river…bliss!

Cornwall

In need of a break, a battery recharge, touching base with friends and the two of our kids who live down here, we came down to Cornwall.

Cornwall, always there, salty breeze soothing the troubled brow, the cry of the gulls music to my ears. When I was a kid I used to wail the hymn " for those in peril on the sea" in the back of the car whenever I was driven away from my heartland.

(that must have been very annoying for my poor father trying to navigate the tiny roads and lanes that in those days took you out of Cornwall)

So I am happier, things should be settled in about four to five weeks.

Thats OK I think.

What will be will be.

Sunday

This is where I am trying to paint. I have realised that painting involves not only the inspiration, the paints and some skills but also a little peace of mind. for me it does anyway, none of the angst ridden artist here, I need my home to be an extention of me. I need to feel safe, secure and happy, I am not in this little hovel. Even HBB has stopped cooking...this is the kitchen, the washing machine doesn't work. Like I said, I think we are living in a bit of a death trap, the gas fire is dodgy too.

I think a period of plein air painting is called for...I am off out, with my sketch book, in warm clothes, going to find some peace of mind.

Oh and bloggers spell check isnt working so sorry for any stupid mistakes that are here.